dear high school,

I just graduated high school.

No more dodging certain teachers to avoid being dress-coded. No more free periods spent in discussion and argument over a multitude of topics (though none of them schoolwork related). No more “there’s a sub today” celebrations. No more anxiously awaiting an ask to the school dance so there will be someone to dance with when a slow song comes on.

The past month has been extremely hectic; I was busy with AP tests, senior activities and events, filling out various forms for college, hanging with friends, and trying to plan some kind of senior prank (there was a live chicken involved). Then, there was senior dinner, graduation, and about 3,000 grad parties over this past weekend. It hasn't been until now, a few days after graduation, that everything is sinking in.

I didn’t cry while putting on my cap and gown or walking across the stage to receive my diploma. I didn’t cry when I hugged my favorite teachers, knowing I would never be their student again. I didn’t cry when I said goodbye to classmates and friends that I might not see again, or at least not for a long time. But, today, while I was sitting outside and reading a book, trying to enjoy my first day of having no plans and it truly feeling like Summer, I started balling my fucking eyes out. It hit me like a brick; I will never be in high school ever again.

Starting around the second semester of senior year, I felt ready to be done with high school. It wasn’t because I was tired of homework or waking up early, it was more that I felt like I had outgrown high school. The school rules that had never bothered me much started to feel like an intrusion on my decision-making abilities. I was tired of adults determining how I spend my time and dictating my entire day, including when I can go to the bathroom. I was, to be frank, over it.

I feel similarly now; I still feel ready to move on, but I didn't expect to feel so sad in doing so.

When I had my little meltdown earlier, my mom told me that while yes, it’s sad and scary to move on, I have to consider the alternative. I mean, I definitely can’t imagine being in high school forever or staying home with my parents while all of my friends go away to school. The only way to go is forward.

But, this doesn’t make it any less difficult to say goodbye to what has been familiar for the past four years.

While going through this weird transition, a quote from Dr. Suess came to mind. I’m sure you’ve all heard it; “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” I’m trying my best to keep this quote in mind and shift my mindset to be thankful instead of sad. How lucky am I that I have friends and teachers and a place I will miss!? Plenty of people didn’t have the opportunities and friendships that I did.

No matter what that annoying little voice in the back of my head is telling me, I’m ready for this transition, I’m ready for college. Does it scare me out of my mind to move 10 hours away to a place I’ve been to only one time? Abso-fucking-lutely. It’s going to be hard and unfamiliar and uncomfortable. But, change is inevitable. The best I can do is trust that things will work out. Four years from now I’ll be feeling the same way as I do now while looking back at my time in college. All I can say for now is:

Dear high school,

Thank you. Thank you for the moments that made me smile and the ones that made me cry. Thank you for sucking so much sometimes that I learned resilience and strength. Thank you for bringing people into my life that I will cherish and never forget, as well as those who were difficult to deal with; both of whom taught me who I want to be. Thank you for allowing me to discover my priorities and goals that will continue to be present in the next stage of my life. Thank you for helping me learn my worth and the ability I have to make a difference.

Lauren

PSA: I promise I will never do anything as cheesy as writing a letter to an intangible experience ever again. Thanks for reading!